Dear Newt

Thanks for making my wish come true.  Now I will enjoy watching you get stomped either in the primary or (if hell freezes over AND the remainder of the Republican presidential hopefuls quit) the general election.  I’m sure it will be a spectacular defeat one way or another.  Or perhaps not — most Americans thought you had died already or they had forgotten about you altogether.

Perhaps I’m mistaken — maybe there are throngs of voters looking to elect a really, really old, arrogant, radical, white guy who repeatedly cheats on his wives  and who left Congress in disgrace twelve years ago (sorry, Newt, I wasn’t sure whether I should highlight the leaving Congress in disgrace part or the twelve years ago part — but together they are a juicy combination — sure, leaving in disgrace wasn’t what you’d want to be remembered by, but after all it was so long ago that you were relevant enough to be in a position to leave in disgrace.  Hell, now, no one really cares about you Newt, so I guess the only remedy for that is to run and lose a Presidential race.)

Afterward your defeat, you can lick your wounds and do what you do best — cheat on your wife and then marry the woman with whom you’re having an affair with.    Then you can write another book no one will read.

Thanks again and stocking up on popcorn,

Ben

P.S.  Cheer up, Newt, even if you lose in spectacular fashion like McCain did (no one really likes to talk about how much of an ass-kicking that was, do they?), you can still get invited to the Sunday political talk shows.  Because you’re a Republican.

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